18 03 2010

The Abilene Public Library saw fit to stamp this particular novel with a big, blue-cross “Christian” label.

That don’t sit right with me. Not one little bit. This is no more a Christian novel than Charles Dickens was a good storyteller. This is an Indian novel. Haven’t we stolen enough from them? Do we really need to assimilate their literature as well?

This judicious labeling has me feeling a touch sacrilegious, so let me share a little something from the novel with you, my adoring, nonexistent readers:

The Reservation’s Ten Commandments

As Given by the United States of America to the Spokane Indians

  1. You shall have no other forms of government before me.
  2. You shall not make for yourself an independent and self-sufficient government, for I am a jealous bureaucracy and will punish the Indian children for the sins of their fathers to the seventh generation of those who hate me.
  3. You shall not misuse my name or my symbols, for I will impale you on my flag pole
  4. Remember the first of each month by keeping it holy. The rest of the month you shall go hungry, but the first day of each month is a tribute to me, and you shall receive welfare checks and commodity food in exchange for your continued dependence
  5. Honor you Indian father and Indian mother because I have stripped them of their land, language, and hearts, and they need your compassion, which is a commodity I do not supply
  6. You shall not murder, but I will bring FBI and CIA agents to your reservations and into your homes, and the most intelligent, vocal, and angriest members of your tribes will vanish quietly
  7. You shall not commit adultery, but I will impregnate your women with illegitimate dreams
  8. You shall not steal back what I have already stolen from you
  9. You shall not give false testimony against any white men, but they will tell lies about you, and I will believe them and convict you
  10. You shall not covet the white man’s house. You shall not covet the white man’s wife, or his hopes and opportunities, his cars or VCRs, or anything that belongs to the white man

Is God a man or a woman?

God could be an armadillo. I have no idea.




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