I am blessed beyond my wildest dreams.
I just sat and stared at that sentence for ten minutes, feeling all the truth in it. There’s truth that makes me sing for joy, for most of those blessings carry the names and faces of friends. There’s truth that makes my heart ache as I’m faced with how bland and colorless my dreams once were, yet even as I recognize that my old dreams have been shattered I am aware of new stirrings. I am slowly starting to weave together phantasies that find redemption in every soul-numbing second of pain I have suffered. And inflicted. And witnessed.
I cannot dream alone anymore.
Enter this post, wherein I seek to honor the blessings my friends have spoken into my life and show myself kindness at the same time.
Ever notice that major life changes seem to come with their own built-in chorus? Something big will shift and I’ll notice the same words being said to me ad abundantiam. Maybe they’ve always been said, and I’m just now being primed to notice; maybe there’s something new within me that summons them forth from others; or maybe God is just trying to make absolutely certain I get the message this time. Whatever the reason, the refrain of the past ten days has been “My hope for you is…”
These words have come from soul friends, acquaintances, professors. They’ve been spoken with strength. They resonate with mercy. Some of the hopes seem so close I can taste them; others are so far off they merge with the horizon. All of them speak straight to my heart.
My hope for you is…
that you will meet that five-year-old Tom and learn to love him. Not that he will change into something you can love, but that you will see him for what he truly is and realize he has been lovable all along. He has been holding all of your shame for you so that you could pursue success and respect, but he has grown weary. Let him be a child again.
My hope for you is…
that you will continue to learn what it truly means to be kind to yourself.
My hope for you is…
that, as you slow down in school and find yourself in fewer classes with us, you will not allow us to fade out of your life. I hope you will continue to value us, continue to pursue us, and have the faith that even as we deal with our own processes we will have the wisdom and grace to hold yours well.
My hope for you is…
that you will shake free of that voice of condemnation that has so plagued you, and you will find in that struggle the strength to speak grace into the lives of others.
My hope for you is…
My hope for you is…
My hope for you is…
I hope
Subbing for Eden 
Your words not just in this post but in all of them are beautiful. They make me want to both cry for the years of intense pain and shame you often speak of and jump up and down with excitement at the new man whom I see growing before me. A kind, wise, patient, creative man, who I am blessed to call my friend. I hope you continue to come out and play in the sun shine of life and make wonderfully yummy things.
PS. i some how missed your last post but the title itself made me smile, not to mention your lovely words.
we love you, T!
thanks tom. your words are brilliant and beautiful and such a part of my process today.
Yippppeeeee HOPE!
Also, it’s such an honor to be on your blogroll friend.
Just so you knows. I’s honored.